Lex, YES, it would have been someone else. No doubt about it. Don't ever think you are some how RESPONSIBLE for HIS actions. You're not. You're not responsible for hurting the girl. He FORCED you to. YOu and the girl were both victims.
Stay strong Lex, don't let this slimey scum take you down to feel like you belong on his level. You cannot forgive him until you forgive yourself for being forced to do something you are horrified for doing. He wants you to hate yourself like he hates himself. He wanted to poison you with it. Like he was probably poisoned by someone else. Save yourself first.
I'm praying you find the stregnth to get through this. You will be victorious in the end. That day WILL come where you stand tall, strong and proud. Don't ever doubt that. Keep chipping away at it-you'll break free from him once and for all. (((((Lex))))