Its hard, its hard to look at patterns of behaviour and change them. Wanting to be "claimed" is a life long wound for myself, and perhaps lots of people. T being away reminds me that she is seperate and has friends and private life that I am not privvy too which brings up my adoption wound of never belonging to a family I can take for granted.

My daughter was rushed into hospital last week after her tonsil operation and even that reminded me of the gap in the relationship between a therapist and a family. I finally emailed her saturday about what had happened because, yes I wanted someone to be there with me, she replied and I pretended to myself that I was satisfied with the situation, but I'm not.

I want to be able to just speak all these feelings to T's face today, not sure If I will be able too. But even this is just perhaps another attempt to move T to where I want her. I dunno, I am fed up with yearning.