((((DPS! ))) Wow!!! You are going through so much processing! Sorry I just now had the chance to come back to finish reading your thread. I started yesterday and my mom called - uggg! That always makes things go loopy in my head!

WOW! You are just processing so much right now. This part you wrote really stuck with me:

"Over the last three years I have seen love work and I have tried to feel it and know it but for the first time I am understanding it or at least trying to. It is something that at the same time is wanted and needed but also scary. "

oh boys do we understand that! It is like you can see it and sense it and get close to it ... but there is a deep fear of it.

VERY big hugs to you!!!