(((((((((((((((((((AShadow721)))))))))))))) I so understand the cursing toward self. There is a part here who seems to have the sole job of calling me names and/or putting me down. It especially happens if I look in a mirror, but it happens other times as well. For me, this part of myself is mostly a chant of names (very not nice ones). T said it is probably names I was called as a child. Now that I have a better understanding of what goes on for me, it's a little easier for me to ignore it, although sometimes it's so loud that it's hard to deal with. I'm sorry you were cursed at. I know it's hard.

I guess my advice would be to not dig too hard. Outside of recent times of stress and traumas that caused my brain to open up and have chaos, my brain holds tightly to secrets that needed to be set apart to survive (and it seems that after those times, the information gets pulled back and I only have a memory that I had memories afterward). As I become more aware and stronger, little things come out into the light. Personally, I don't want to know anything about my past but I think as I need to know or am strong enough to know, my brain will allow it to happen.

Please take gentle care. I'm glad you have a therapist that you can talk to about this.