Perna: I've kept journals for years but since I "discovered" email and online support groups I rarely do it anymore. The writing is important to me, but so is knowing that someone other than myself is reading it. However, if my issues are about expectation and disappointment, then it DOES matter to me what the T says or does.
Chronic: My new T told me right from the start that emailing her is okay. Maybe she didn't know I'd do it as often as I have, which isn't really that often, maybe once a week after my session.
sunrise:
Quote:
|
Rainbow, I wonder if you didn't email your T, but wrote these things in your journal, maybe when your next session happened, some of the things wouldn't be pressing topics for discussion anymore?
|
When I email or call a T, like I used to call Bt, what I want is the connection more than a specific answer. It's not about pressing topics for discussion. It's about T validating me as a person and caring enough to want to connect with me. Writing in a journal is a solitary experience. I want the connection to another person. Even if she doesn't answer, I know that she will read what I'm expressing. When I left messages on Bt's answering machine, often they were satisfying to me even if she didn't call back. She didn't understand that, though. Kt does! She agrees that emailing is a good way for me to express myself.
Deli, Kt didn't exactly say she did not want to answer my emails. She said I might not be satisfied with the replies, and that she did not want to be a T via email. But she didn't ever say she wouldn't answer. I know already that she tries to be very accomodating to me. When I first told her that 50 minutes seemed so short with Bt, she let me stay an hour and a half. I was so surprised. Now I may have to pay a little more for 1 1/2 hours, though.
Quote:
|
i'm a bit confused about why you're still emailing then - and now wanting to check that if you ask for a response that you will get it. isn't that kind of not respecting a boundary she's put in place? given that you always want a response (this is why you email) then how are you going to differentiate between the times you really need a response and the times that you don't?
|
I'm emailing because she wrote me, a few emails back, that we had an agreement and it was okay for me to email her. I stated that I was afraid she wouldn't let me. I see your point, but I will have to use my judgment and only ask for a response when I can't move on. I will have to play it by ear. That's why I have to clarify what she meant. You are correct!
Quote:
|
i wonder if you can focus on the feelings side of things next time instead of getting into that convoluted game of trying to get someone to do something for you that they have already been pretty firm about not wanting to do.
|
The answer is because it's so important to me. If I have a strong reaction to a session, it's very difficult for me to wait. If I leave and feel disconnected, I need to connect again. I think Kt understands that. It's like when I called Bt from my car right after my session. After I did that, I was fine. I know others check in with their T right after a session. I also don't think she was pretty firm about it. That's why I'm still confused, but will definitely clear it up at my next session.