All - thank you from the bottom of my heart for your replies and help.
I can not write much at this time. I am recovering from last night and too low of SU thoughts. But I made it through. Had dream about my house - where the alters lived. My mental house. And my dream was T had hired someone to condemn the house and I looked at it and it was not the same beutiful house it once was. It was shambles. So they were placing explosives all over in the rooms. I hid in a dumpster and was trying to not be seen. They were getting ready to blow up the house when I woke up. Now I am just blank.... Again. Thank you for the hugs.