I can imagine how hard that must feel, especially after all that you've gone through. It's not easy to leave a relationship of any length, and people can become very close in a very short amount of time. This is actually a bad thing, because it often means that the two people aren't really approaching the relationship realistically or holding anything back for themselves. Then, when the initial intimacy turns sour, it feels like betrayal because of how close it seemed.

You need to first realize that if he cheated on you once and doesn't seek out help for it, either by himself or with you in couples counseling, he's not likely to change on his own accord. Men who cannot be faithful in a relationship have a fundamental difference than the women they have a relationship with. This person takes for granted your love, your trust, and your desire to be respected. When you take him back, you're in effect saying, "I forgive you, but I'm also showing you that you can walk over me and lie to me about the very foundation of what's important in this relationship." Not a good message to be sending, even though I know you don't mean to.

It's going to be hard over the next few weeks and months, and nobody can take away the pain, betrayal and loneliness you will feel. You are a special person, however, and deserve someone better, someone who will recognize you are too good of a woman to cheat on.

John