thanks i seem to be a bit put back together today i have never emailed my therapist or called her.she has never told me i could and i never asked.i feel if she was going to allow me to she would have told me that these were options.i sent her a letter in the mail once and never again will i do that. i seem to be able to deal reasonably well on my own without that support. the worst thing i do is just totally shut down any ability to feel anything and just do what i do ,hardly a big crisis.although it is hard.i dont think i would ever use it anyway.i also wouldnt be surprised if another reason for her not allowing that option would be that it would keep me from talking in therapy.and she would be right.maby some day she will if i am able to say more than a few words in a therapy session