Thanks everyone. I am still waiting for T to get in touch. Still having the thoughts but am trying to keep them under control (not very well).
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Anyway, I also wondered about what sitting just said - I wonder if T is just watching to see if I will go over the edge or not on my own.
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SAWE and Wepow- I cant believe your Ts would do that to you. It seems cruel to me, maybe like game playing? I am pretty sure T wouldnt keep me waiting to see how well I cope, but I might just mention that if I see him again
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If he's like me, he doesn't check his work email over the weekend (he may have a different personal email account) and may not have even seen it yet. If you are having suicidal thoughts and plans, that is really call for a phone call rather than an email. You really should call him.
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farmergirl- I know T doesnt check emails over the weekend, but I was hoping he would read and respond yesterday. I know this is irrational thinking, but if T doesnt want to respond or hasnt had time to respond yet then I dont want to contact him again, I dont want to be "chasing" after him for help. I know this is my faulty thinking, but that the way I feel.
When I have called him before, for similar reasons, it has taken him 2 days to call me back and he didnt really help. We did talk about it afterwards, but I have lost confidence in him responding like that
But I do believe you are making some assumptions about T. You're assuming he read the email and chose not to respond for whatever reason. Or doesn't want to respond.
But what if he hasn't read the email yet? Or what if he read it and wants to respond but there is something preventing that right now?
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But I do believe you are making some assumptions about T. You're assuming he read the email and chose not to respond for whatever reason. Or doesn't want to respond.
But what if he hasn't read the email yet? Or what if he read it and wants to respond but there is something preventing that right now?
I think your feelings of anger and disappointment are completely natural. But if the issue is THIS important--and SU is, in my opinion--then you need to pick up the phone and call T. When you call, you can say "I'm disappointed I haven't heard back from you, and this is what is going on with me, and I need some support..."
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griffin- Yes, you are right, I am making crazy assumptions because i cant stand the "waiting game" my mind goes into overdrive and my thoughts get more and more irrational. Thats why I dont email T as much anymore.
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really should call him.I agree with farmergirl. If you feel that bad you should call. My T specifically told me that one reason she didn't want to email with me was because of my expectations and reactions if she didn't reply as soon as I wanted. She also told me that there are 2 reasons not to email when suicidal (1) because she might not respond right away and (2) her lawyer told her that it would make her liable if I killed myself after telling her via email. That is he policy No email.
So I think that email can be a great tool to let your T know how you are feeling but when it is bad it shouldn't be used.
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emilyjeanne- If I knew T was more reliable with his phone contact I would phone instead of email. SOmetimes I wish T had a no emial policy too, it would surely save me from the hell of waiting for his response.
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The hardest part of this learning process for me was that I was bullheaded and would not ask my T directly about things. And I would bury stuff in email instead of tell her when I was there in the session. As hard as it is to do, I now GET that if I'm really struggling...I need to speak to her about it because the message often doesn't get understood otherwise. Personally that is one thing that I totally HATE about therapy.
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chaotic- this is exactly how I feel. I am terrible at directly asking for things. THanks for your points, I think I get into the same situations as you. I am trying to hold on to the thought that T has not yet read the email or is thinking of a response.
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has there been even one instance where you've felt all of Ts compassion and caring has been genuine? hang onto that memory and give him a call  .
and keep us posted here, i'm worried about you too.
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deli- thank you. Im sure there have been many time when T HAS been genuinely caring and compassionate, but I never believe it, so I havent really got that memory. Its the bad memories that stick
I am hanging on, hoping that what everyone here has said will come true, and T will eventually respond. I dont even know why I bothered to contact him- he couldnt care less anyway. I will have to find another to cope for now. Ugh. I HATE this.