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anderson · Apr 20, 2010, 12:36 PM

……Alright people it time to laugh now. You are not going to believe this one or you just might. Now we are getting the courage to tell certain people to stay away from us and starting to joke with those that we are starting to feel safe with.
……The joke of that day is We told one person that the line that kept us under threat for so long no longer worked. WE left the room that he was in and then went to people that we trusted. We sit with them and laughed and joked. It felt good to know that a person that would hurt us to gain his own agenda could be in the same room as us but because we were with people that we trusted to we just blowed him off. Now mind you this has also happen with a female as well.
…..What get us the most is that after each time we tell some one off the ones that we feel safe with act like we are scared of them too. Now we just thinking it could not be because those that we told off went to tell tails and they are afraid of hurting us again. Or better Yet we must have switched again so rather the F up they just leave us alone. Now to us that is the major F up. Why can’t people just take us at face value. The biggest problem between those that we trusted and the ones that sent the dark wolfs after us. Is their ability to divide and conquer.
…..Now do all remember the telephone game we played as kids. The one that you are in the circle. One person thinks of a word then each person has to whisper that word the next. It never failed that ketchup always ended up being something else in the end. But adults working a good rumor tend to forget that fact.
…….It just blows our minds that the big secret is which one is out instead of guess what we may be integrating and the reason that we still refuse to go to work is the simple fact that we would rather go to the next life rather then be treated as pawns by those that have issues with a person with DID. After 3 years of intense abuse by those that got a kick out of us not willing to fight because we still felt that our son could be sent to the very people that made us who we are. It get us that some of these people think that we forgot and are willing to let them near us just for the heck of it. You know what when we where kids we had to be in the same room as those that had hurt us. We did not always have the pleasure of switching to not know who did what to us but we did learn that certain people would only hurt us in certain places so we could be physically safe from those people as long as we stayed from those circumstance that allowed them to hurt us. What a f up truth to learn as a child. To know and understand that there are people out there that will appear one way I public but just as soon as they feel that they can be their true self. They can be the darkest souls you have every seen. These are the souls that can torture a child then go to dinner as if nothing ever happen. But the child remembers even if it is with just the inner knowing that this person can cause harm.
……We are many because of the fact that was the goal of our bio family to create a being that would be able to do many things yet still be controlled by fear. As time went on it was not the fear of death that kept us under control but the threat of harm to some one else. Manly our son. Now that threat has been eliminated All those that have made a name for them selfs are finding out that I/We are no longer puppets to be played with.
…… Now to get people to come to us and seek the answers. It would make life so much easier. The last year has been hard on us because we not only could not be with the people that we trusted but also had to keep those away from us that used are fear against us. My life has been a circus more from the fact that others covered their butts by using us as cover. Now that we are forty soon to be forty one. It no longer valuable for us to take the abuse that so many have done to us because it is expected of us.
…..WE once had a dream of our bio-father. In this dream he told us that he was proud of us. Because we were the only ones that he could not fully break. Now at that just dandy we got our fathers approval because he could not fully break us he had to use the threat of another person to keep us under control even as kids.
….. It just blows our minds that others still can not believe the fact that we were not scared of what they did to us but what would happen to our son if we did not allow them to hurt us.
….. But what got us is the most was that when we spent time with those that we learned to trust the pain of the abuse because we known that there where people out there will to be our friends with out hurting us. Made the pain of bearing the abuse so much harder because we could not understand how they clamed to know and understand us. Yet at the same time allow those to hurt us. Now that we no longer have to fear for our son. And no longer care about financial security. It is blowing so many peoples minds because we are saying if you don’t want us let us go stop telling us you are here for us but still believe in those that hurt us then tell you a different story.
……I/WE do not even know by now how many people we have told that we have come to a time and space. Where we no longer just judge a person by their choices but the color of their souls. It is weird for us in one way we know who we can trust and be physically safe with. In the past when we avoided them it was more from being hurt that they would not help us from the abuse that kept us from them. Then when a few started fallowing the instruction of those that hurt us we felt that we had finely lost everything. We thought that all we had to do was endure until the time our son was of age and then we could move on. You know what we tell those that we are learning to trust again. “ No, we will be back, and no we have not figured out how to remove our collar yet. But most of all we know who rights history “ The frustration of wanting to be with those we know within that are safe to us but that it is up to us to convince those that we know you f up but our little ones still like you will be in our lifes for real . Or do we have to wait for our inner children to give up hope that you will never be there for them again.