We talked finialy last night a bit more. I think both of us feeling a bit better about things. Although we didn't reach any real conclusions. Just him saying that he supports me. Which I told him, he had to regardless. Of course he is "working on it" in terms of leaving his wife. This involves the cold shoulder. Hmmm...yes...he is not the brightest one....he wants her to move. I let him know that realistically speaking that he probably never will leave his wife. Like I said its not really his wife keeping him there, it is the kids. Because apparently she is not a good parent and he wants to make sure his boys are taken care of. I guess he is waiting for another fourteen years until his youngest is 18. Whatever. Realistically I do not forsee it happening. I asked him, however if he was going to introduce the baby to his boys, he snapped at me that he didn't know. Oh and he will let his wife know after the divorce......
adoption is not an option for me. I can't do that. I wouldn't feel right about it. I am keeping this baby and I am going to spoil it and love it and cherish it and it will the smartest prettiest most loved baby ever.
The whole topic of living together was brought up and I told him we dont even know if we could live together. We don't even know each other that well. Yes, I care for him. But in all reality I can not continue on with this. I mean it has been stopped for what, three weeks....and then a baby....but that doesn't mean I want him to marry me.....leave his wife? Maybe only so that this baby and I get the support we deserve however I will not expect it and so I will not be disappointed.
Whoa........I really need to write a book...

I am doing good regardless....It's just another hill to climb, something else to make me stronger and wiser........