Well, here I am again. Dang it.

A bit of background: I had been cutting on and off since I was 13, then finally stopped at age 16 after a suicide attempt and hospital stay which saved my life. In the hospital I signed a pact to completely give up self-injury, and meant it when I signed it. I'm now 19.

The problem is, I still do things... little things, innocuous things... and I think they might well count as self-injury too. Many are compulsive--picking at scabs, at the acne on my face, and at my cuticles, until my fingers get infected and I have scabs on my face. I CANNOT leave my face alone, no matter how hard I try (this condition is, I think, called compulsive skin picking, and my case is mild, but still). It's not bad enough that people often notice, but it's still mildly disfiguring and distressing to me. When I get into a depressive/anxious cycle, I stay up stupidly late, and I know that back in high school I used to do that half on purpose, knowing it was bad for me, that it would make me feel awful.

I don't know what to do. I don't get to see my therapist for two-three weeks, and even then I'm terrified of admitting it to her because I CANNOT go back to the hospital. I don't feel like I need to, it's nowhere near that bad, but.... I'm just afraid that she'll do something extreme and I won't be able to continue to live my life, go to college, that sort of thing.

Do YOU all thing this is self-harm, or am I just being ridiculously compulsive and have a really really bad habit, and make poor choices when I'm exhausted? I don't know.