I'm not sure if I'm starting to get out of control again. I actually just sent my psych nurse an email, then called her to tell her to read her email...but she's on vacation for a week. I'm wondering if this is urgent enough to call her cell phone, or if I should just wait until our appointment on the 28th.

Even way back at our last appointment on March 16th, she noticed I was talking faster and even said, do you think you're going hypomanic. I shrugged it off and just blamed it on having too much coffee that morning.

But I've been slipping into some old bad habits. The worst of which - my internet addiction. And surfing the net at work. The problem is, my job started out part-time, but they liked me so much they hired me on permanent full-time...without any extra duties. So for 2-3 weeks out of the month, I'm sitting on my butt doing nothing. I've asked my boss for more work, but there's nothing. It's driving me insane. So I drift online. I still get all my work done, but I know this is not a good thing. And I can NOT afford to lose my job over something so petty. We are so broke right now.

Then there's the spending. It's nowhere near as bad as in the past. In my manic phase a couple years ago, I racked up a $7,500 credit card in a matter of weeks. Now, it's simply that I had budgeted myself $60 of cash spending money to last me a whole month - and I spent it all in one week.

But that leads into the next one - I think a vast majority of that $60 was spent on food. The binging is a constant thing, it's here whether I'm manic or not (which doesn't make sense to me). But it seems to be getting worse. Actually, I did somehow manage to lose 2.4 pounds last week, so I guess it must not be that bad....but still.

And another weird one, I don't know if this means anything, but I keep getting into "planning mode" - worrying about the future. Budgeting our money, worrying about paying the bills, worrying about Kindergarten...in September, stuff like that. Not focusing on the here and now.

Now, all of this could be related to a meds change. I recently switched from Invega to Risperdal because we can't get samples of Invega anymore and I can't afford to pay for it, and Risperdal is generic. But that switch didn't happen until Saturday night, April 17th. My last appointment with her, when she commented on my behavior, was March 16th. And I've been spending money like this for a while (not just the $60, that was just one example).

What should I do? Should I call my psych nurse on her cell phone on her vacation? Or just wait it out until she gets back next week? How can I make sure I'm safe until then?