T called and now I think I feel sadder. I guess because I *know* it's safe to feel whatever I'm feeling with him, and after all of the hard work to feel safe feeling my feelings, I can't turn it off. So, he called, and I said "I know I'm being a big baby, but I'm having a hard time. That's all" And he laughed and that made me laugh and it was okay for a minute but then I just really FELT the sadness and it made me cry

Crying is probably what I need to do. I probably just need to go ahead and feel sad, you know? It just hurts so much to be sad.

Oh well, I'll see him Thursday. I know will get easier. But right now it kind of sucks.