I understand so much of what you speak of. My childhood was spent in utter confusion trying to understand why I was treated differently from my brothers and why my mother was so distant to me. You speak of the fear and when it will go away. It seems fear follows us, hiding in the shadows just waiting until we are feeling small and hurt by lack of understanding or something triggering our parts that feel unwanted. Then it comes back full force just when we think we have won the battle against it. I wish I knew the answer. Even if all our parts are rescued and we are one at last, I think fear of the unknown, the future, the past, of other people, of ourselves will still be there in some form. Thank goodness we have each other here to help us as we fit the pieces of our puzzles into their proper places and learn more about where we have been, what happened to each piece or how each piece is related to the one next to it. Each time I remember something through thought, body memory, or flashback, I still have to find where the piece fits and what part was created to handle it. And then with T's help find common ground with the parts that hurt and feel betrayed, and rescue them from the picture. Then one more piece of the puzzle can be put in it's place, and for a brief moment we feel stronger and have courage and hope that the future will be much better. Darkpurple, you are special and I am glad you are here to share your thoughts and struggles. You inspire me to keep going. 1Girl