There is something about T's unconditional acceptance of me, and my story, and who I am, that makes me feel worse sometimes before I feel better.

Maybe it's safe to go ahead and just really FEEL how yucky and gross and awful I think I am when there is this kind of anchor pulling me back. I can go ahead and finally let myself REALLY feel it, because there is someone who will keep me from getting lost in it. And then once I let myself just FEEL it, once and for all, the healing can start, slowly but surely.

But, ugh. I am SO sorry you are in this place. I know you'll get through it, and I also know how terrible it feels in the meantime.

to you. You are being REALLY REALLY brave.