This is definitely sexual abuse. Everything he did until the touching was called grooming. And even that alone can cause trauma and emotional damage. Since it is emotional sexual abuse. When he touched you and made you touch him, that was molestation. You have EVERY right to feel the way you do about it! And with childhood sexual abuse, there does NOT have to be physical force or violence. Since the child is already taught to submit to authority and believe she/he can trust the authority. It's called coercion, and with a child it's all that's needed to abuse them. The child doesn't understand what to do, they don't understand if this is right or wrong, and a lot don't understand that they can stand up for themselves and say no, unless they are taught they it's okay to do so. In childhood, we were made to do things that we didn't like to do like doing chores, getting up early to go to school, stop playing to eat dinner, or whatever, so we thought that maybe this was just one of those things too. Also, you do not have to be raped to be sexually abused. Please don't listen to whoever is telling you this, they obviously don't understand what SA is and they didn't go through it and they're not you, so how can they tell you how to feel? I hope you do have a therapist to talk about this to, because he/she will explain this to you, that it was abuse and your feelings are a result of it and you have every right to feel them. Take care & keep posting.