Proving to someone that you need disability money isn't easy.
I left the disability psych test in a horrible state. I needed money to survive and I wasn't showing the real illness. And what if I get the money? It's so little--not enough to cover living. Real Living. And how little do I want from life? Never to take a vacation--or just blow money at a club? It seems like if I get disability money then I have accepted to live a frugal life of quiet despair. If I don't get it, then I need to find a way to survive. But how?
Before leaving the office I turned to the eval psych doc and asked:
"Can you play the piano?"
"No" she said. "Why do you ask?"
I took my handy battery powered mini piano keyboard out of my knapsack and asked her to touch the keyboard.
A few notes rang.
"You just played the piano," I said in mock amazement. "You are a piano player. A Pianist ready for the concert hall".
She gave me the non-comital doctor-patient look.
"What defines "work"? I asked. "The ability to work?"
She didn't see the connection. She told me that it was common for people with my disorder to see connections that don't exist.
For a moment I felt sad for the doc so I began to explain that standards of living are related to how a person obtains financial stability and how most people want more than just the bare bones but also want to dream and enjoy...
She told me that my session was over before we came to any agreement. That might be a good thing if I want disability money in order to sort of survive.