My Support Forums - View Single Post - Will the nightmare ever really end?????????

darkpurplesecrets · Apr 21, 2010, 01:36 AM

Sometimes it is so hard to say what is running deep within. Sometimes there are no words for what are circling around ones head and yet though there are words they cannot seem to come down to the place where they can be relieved. And sometimes you try so hard to hold them back for a reason, so that time can pass and then you can open up even if a little at a time.

What happens when you move forward and something steps in and stops you right in your tracks. You take two steps forward to be pushed back three. You try to get back up but it pushes you down hard and you feel so much that you just cannot put into words. And no matter how hard you try it feels as though the very words get stuck in your throat and will not let go. It feels as though you will choke and there is no air getting in or out.

You push yourself to the point that you are trying so hard to move forward and taking the risk to reach out to be slammed back just as fast. Something inside is terrified but you try to hide this from the world or just from those who seem to care. But you wonder if they will keep holding on or will they too walk away, never turning back. How many times can you bounce back and keep moving forward? How many times will it knock you back again?

Colors we have worn before we see. Threats ringing out with a vengeance and you are so afraid to turn away for fear they could turn on you at any given moment. All this for finding one’s self beneath the rumble where she was suppose to stay buried where no one would fine her not even yourself. Time came to end it all and it passed without taking place and somehow it is not okay or not with those who are hiding. Something is not right and somehow we pay the cost. Silence fills us and we have not spoken a single word without since two nights ago. Silence, is it worth it or is it just a way to injure more? Silence, we cry in silence.

Guilt fills me as I am trying to hold onto something deep within myself that even time will not allow to be freed. Me. I am just one of many within trying to understand and to reach out from a depth of ourselves that no one knows. But how could anyone outside of our self understand, for those within are hiding and to fight our strength runs low and almost empty. We are afraid, afraid of what we hold and no one has any idea, and we wonder if they ever will? How can words convey what lies within the heart of unspoken truth?

So many questions and there seems to be no answers. For answers come and seem to walk away almost leaving no trail of where it went. Sometimes feeling so lost and alone. The feelings you touch for the moment seem to erase into thin air. And all you are trying to do is to reach out and somehow go on. Quiet has come over us not a word spoken to anyone outside of your self, feeling like a yo-yo going up and down constantly. Will you ever really grasp what you are trying to hold onto? Will the world stop before you can get off or will it continue without you?

Silence fills all within and me as we are trying to find a way, someway, just anyway to reach once again. And you wonder does anyone understand what we cannot say or what we will not say? And really it is the first choice, for right now we cannot say anything. But what our thoughts are not saying our heart is screaming out in silence. Will this nightmare ever end and will we ever really be free?