Dear you are so young to waste your time with a guy like this, you deserve better than this. Have you thought of talking to a counselor? They really can be of help at a time like this, sometimes better than a friend or family because they are unbias towards you and your partner. Don't lose hope, look up a therapist and see if you can get an appt. soon it may help you get yourself settled, and why you tend to repeat the patterns you question about yourself and relationships. Let us know how things go, take care.
"darkeyes"