Don't be hard in yourself for not being over it. It has been 5 years since abuse that happened once in which the man didn't even touch me, and I'm not even close to over it. I'm trying to learn how to handle it without cutting but it does get really hard sometimes. I don't feel bad or blame you at all for the actions you took. I know how hard it can be to face these subjects and not remember if some abuse is real or not. It isn't you fault.