I have learnt that a reality has different perspectives. If you asked, at some point in time, sometime ago, - I was happy with my fiance. If you asked him - he was unhappy. He would also say that he drank to cope with me.

I was loving him, caring, being always honest, gave him and his kids all I had to give, was devoted to him, dealt with his depression and supported him, dealt with his crazy ex wife, looked after him when he was ill and no one else cared. Wanted to marry him and work endlessly on our relationship. But if you asked him - he was unhappy and drank to get away from me.

I know that actually - he is an unhappy man - regardless of me. He needs drama and tenssion to feel good. When this was not there in the relationship - he could not cope and felt unhappy. He needed to be taken care of. And so on...

When I was unhappy - he was happy. The commitment was not there and he was doing his own thing. I was miserable but he was happy.

So - reality is subjective and how we feel about things is just one way of perceiving this reality. To gain perspective and some sense of togetherness it would be good not to drink. At least then - you have better chance to see things for what they are. Did you try therapy to learn to deal with this?

I am not saying that you are wrong. I m only saying that it does not matter how you label a behaviour (alcoholic, coping etc) - what matter is your happiness.