You might just be using the relationship to ignore your pain, to self-medicate.

Yes, I am. I do care deeply about my boyfriend, and we did start off as friends thankfully! My boyfriend has been about the most positive aspect of my life in the past 6 months. He has introduced me to a couple of fun new real interests, and does encourage me to enjoy life as much as possible.

Despite our care for one another, neither of us are ever aiming towards marriage. We have been upfront with one another on this concept from the beginning. Both of us are disabled (which does complicate our personal futures in general). Meaning ~ he doesn't feel comfortable with certain aspects of his disability, and doesn't want to become a burden to anyone he cares about.

And me? My disability is invisible. A traumatic brain injury and epilepsy are my physical & emotional challenges. I've simply lost hope in the safety of marriage. In my world, there is no such thing. A very sad and scary reality of current Western civilization. I can't venture into ever becoming hopeful again.

Oh, and yes, my SA experience does affect me in many ways. Thankfully, my boyfriend has been pretty understanding with me. My moods are pretty up and down. I suppose the BPD and brain injury are the culprits of that. Not unusual...but not fun either.