Well - just got back from T. Thank you all for your wonderful help. I read the responses before session and considered them. T could tell something was wrong. I was not about to admit to anything but with his questions and my answers of "no - that is not it" and then "I am not going to say" (for stuff he had correct) ... Well he finally told me that if I was not SU right now that he would not put me in a hospital (he knows that is one of my greatest fears)... so he ended up getting the story the long way. Then we had to talk about the WHY - which goes into a very bad situation that I am still getting info out from my memory - bad bad bad something that I keep saying could never have happened and my alter who holds this memory saying it did happen but then the alter tells me it did not happen and it makes my brain not able to know what is real from what is not. Well T kept me for 35 extra min trying to make sure I was safe - was having major anxiety attacks while talking about THE hidden memory junk. And then he made me promise him with my word that I would not do ANYTHING to SI or harm in any way at all - and that I am not allowed to be alone for now. So I did that. Ugggg... told him "You take all the fun out of it!" and he smiled like he knew I was being a smart @ss. Oh well. I got to do self-care junk (which after that new info came out today that was just more confirmation that the event I am denying actually happened) - well I don't want self-care. I want to not know this stuff!!!! Oh and he did say "We are NOT sending you back to work yet. You are not going to use work to escape this. We need to go through it." So I will see him Monday and talk some more I suppose. I just want it over with. I honestly do not want to know any more about this and I don't want to even think it was real. He said I know the truth. But uuuuuggggg! Just too exhausted with it.

Anyway, thank you all again.