Yo Dude, get off the railroad tracks. You found the right place to talk about why you are in so much emotional pain. My mom did what you want to do leaving me and my 2 sisters alone. I think if you hung out here and got to know us you would find happier days. Hang in there and keep posting. Many of us have been where you are and because of this place, they are still among us. Keep posting. What got you in such a dark emotional place to begin with? The fortune inside my cookie said that we keep coming back to live until we "get it". i still don't get it so I am still here.