You definitely sound angry about the "torture" word use. I don't get why it's such a big deal to you; something in your specific history relating to that issue? It sounds very much like a neutral comment to me, using a word in a common, colloquial way. Given your specific history and reasons, that doesn't mean it isn't much more importnat to you (But does she know that?). But you're very bothered, and that is obvious, so I'm not suprised that she brought the anger issue up. As for the rest of it, I don't think it's possible to say much intelligent about it (for us) because the context--your history with her--would need to be explained. So I can't help on the big picture, but on the little picture(s). anger is a relevant discussion to be having. Sometimes we make a bigger deal out of something because we are being driven by a second or third issue that is not being stated. Sounds like she's fishing for that.

Kudos for your ability to assert yourself and take these issues on directly and soon with T. Some would stew for weeks or months before bringing it up.