Lone Scout - I've been where you are and unbelievably, it can get better. Don't let yourself wallow in this miasma of depression...it just gets worse. See a therapist, call the hospital...do something to reach out for the help you need. One month ago, I felt exactly the same way. I was actively planning ways to do it, but one month later, I'm glad I'm still here because I got back on anti-depressants. Please get help.