This could go in caregivers or here, so here is where I'm putting it because it involves a phone call that I'm going to have to eventually make.

School has been in session for 2-1/2 weeks. We have online access to our children's grades. My ex is relentless in checking them and letting me know when he's less than happy with our daughter's performance. She already has 8 missing assignments and is getting F's and D's in some classes. Because she was staying with me the first 2 weeks of school, he called me to let me know we need to discuss her school performance. I let the answering machine pick up the call, like my counselor told me to do.

I ask my daughter every night when she gets home "what do you have for homework." I make sure she works on her homework every night, and keep checking on her to see how she's doing. How can I make sure she's doing homework that she doesn't tell me she has?

We get mixed messages from my ex constantly. One time he'll say it's my daughter's responsibility to do her work. If she fails, then maybe she'll learn to do better. The next, it's my fault that she's failing. Never is any of the responsibility his.

I dread calling him back and discussing this. It will be him pointing the finger at me, telling me that she belongs living with him during the school year. Thing is, she lives with him every other week, and she's still not getting her work done on those weeks, so why must I take 100% of the blame. I refuse to do it this time, but I don't know how to effectively talk with him.

If he thinks of me the way he's been telling me in e-mails, my opinion means spit and he's going to do what he wants anyway. I'd like to say "did you call Dr. Hitch? (the neuropsych that did an incomplete ADD assessment on the ex's insistance). Did you call the teachers? Did you call the psychiatrist that she has an appointment with?" If my opinion is worthless, why is he calling me first?

This is the guy who went against court orders and had her taken off Concerta for ADD because he insists there's nothing wrong with her that a good diet won't fix. She's been on an excellent diet now and it hasn't made one bit of difference.

I've let him do things his way and the results are no different, so why is it my fault?