it is not that it is important to me to have a relationship with my parents. It is that I am struggling with the sense of being set apart and rejected in a way that is not the case for my siblings. This is not a new thing, but I have never been able to feel it so deeply, and to know that I felt this way as a child and that it hurt then too. My siblings have ongoing relationships with our parents, but they are entirely obligatory and dysfunctional. My parents could not even get over themselves long enough to visit my nephew when he was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago with a badly broken arm that required surgery. So there is in fact no point to a relationship with them.
But I am trying to overcome the sense of separateness that I carry into all realms of my life. The sense of differentness, of there being something wrong with me. How can there not be if my own parents can disown me so readily? It is not about relating to them though. It is about being able to see myself as just like other people, and to feel worthy of their friendship and caring. My inner self has been terribly alone for almost 50 years. It hurts.