Well I am using my coping skills. I wrote about my life on another link from Doc John that I found - dealing only with SU. So the truth is there now. Ugggg. Just too much stuff about the big flashback is there and it makes me think it did happen. And I am not sure why I mentally and emotionally just CAN NOT deal with it. But I am still here and still fighting. So that has to count for something? Right? :-) Thank you all again a ton!!