It sounds like you have a communications/personality stuggle rather than a money issue. I think a lot/most couples have discussions/disagreements about money.

My husband and I just have one account but two credit cards (different ones in case one person's gets a problem when we're out/on vacation, we can use the other until the problem is solved) and we get into disagreements as to how much money we each spend on the credit cards.

In the past, when we were both working (we're both retired) if I wanted to spend more on something and he objected (at our last jobs he earned 7+ times as much as I did), we'd discuss our views about the importance of the item to each of us and if it was something I wanted and we couldn't quite agree, then usually I'd either adjust my spending elsewhere (buy fewer books :-) for a certain period of time or, if I wasn't working, I'd go get a job that made at least enough to cover the expense (my therapy out-of-pocket). Sometimes I would just have to agree within myself that it was "okay" to make him unhappy; I'd choose between the pain/uncomfortableness of his unhappiness/complaining and getting/not getting what I wanted.

In all the discussions on money that my husband and I have had in the last 25 years, I've come to understand that he has some cognitive/emotional issues and does not see my point of view, though I see/get his. I have decided that it's up to me to "balance" the disagreements, to use my good judgment (which he has publicly stated I have :-) to be the "referee" as well as one of the parties spending the money. Hence, the acceptance that X is going to be bought even though it makes him unhappy.

My husband loves me and has, unfortunately for him :-) said that he cannot deny me anything it is in his power to give me that I really want. When I was starting therapy again, an $800 a month out-of-pocket expense he was unhappy about, I totalled up for myself how much I had spent so far in my live on therapy and got a figure like $50,000+ and only half-jokingly asked him if he would spend $100,000 on me to make me "happy"/healthier/feel better and he instantly replied he'd spend every last penny he had if it would help me. The intensity/feeling behind his reply almost did me in :-) To solve that expense problem though, I got a full-time job to pay for my therapy.

Become happy with your own values and how you spend money. It doesn't sound like, as you say, you are bankrupting the family or spending money unwisely. Accept that and do your own thing. It can hurt and be difficult but it can be very freeing to know your own path and follow it; you don't have to "take it personally" when he complains. His complaints are about his feelings about money (and, probably, "control"). Do what you can to feel good about yourself and try to present what you are thinking and doing clearly, without apology, and discuss feelings rather than the actual money/what it was spent for. It's my experience that marriage money/time/etc. require ongoing conversation, kind of like therapy :-)