Just wanted to add something to this. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family nothing gets talked about so you learn how to work things out in your head (by yourself) instead. To be truly healthy, this working things out in your head (things which have to do with you and someone else) has to stop. The only thing that is real between people is what they both participate in together. Throwing the other stuff out of your life (working stuff out in your head without the other person) is really liberating.