Quote:
Originally Posted by LoneScout
Bipolar but I should get more of a formal diagnosis with testing.
I am considered highly functional, hold down a job, and have a secret life of wanting to die ALL THE TIME. I have a T and I shared with him my attempt story. Attempted 4 times, but since the medication I have not attempted again. I am afraid to die, but feel it calling me, pulling me. Every morning I wake to a minor panic attack, take meds and have to wait 30mins until I calm down. I recently shared with my wife about my suicide attempt from 18 years ago, in the 10 years of marriage I never told her... The old me is coming to life with the coming of a 2nd and my admission to grad school and work.
|
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for sharing your history. I had another brother who had manic depression but unfortunately he passed away from AIDS. Sounds like you have a lot of responsibility. Has your therapist taught you techniques for calming yourself with the panic attacks? Good you were honest with your wife. Please think of your wife and kids - I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. This will pass and your kids will give you tons of pleasure and grieve sometimes lol, but they're worth it. Unfortunately I have to go now since my own girls will be up early. Hang in there and be safe.
