I am not sure if this fits here or not, but I find it easier to tell all at once than several times.

For the past 2 weeks I was in the psych ward. I semi-admitted myself. I say semi, because this happened in 2 parts.

Part 1: I began having those horrid thoughts of life not being worth it again. I drove myself to the hospital in the morning of April 12th, thinking they wouldn't keep me, as I didn't have a direct plan. Several hours later, I was waiting for a bed. I ended up staying until around noon that Friday.

Part 2: When I left, I was still feeling bad and contacted my T who told me to call the hotline. I asked her which hotline to call (DV shelter, or SU). I ended up calling the shelter line, not knowing that my T had already contacted them that I would be calling. While I was on the phone with the shelter, they were on the phone with the cops, who then showed up at my door. Of course I tried to talk my way out of it, but they wouldn't back down. Said I had to go in. My mom even tried talking them out of it to no avail. So, back I go, this time to a different hospital. At about 11pm April 16th, I was back in the hospital waiting for yet another bed. This was my semi-self admitance.

I was released today (4-22) feeling much better. I am still fighing the depression, but the horrid thoughts are gone. I find it rather strange how the same hospital system has 2 totally different psych wards and ways of dealing with patients.

I am getting ready to celebrate my 29th b-day this Saturday, and have decided that it is the start of my new life. I hope this might bring someone else the strength to realize that it is not "crazy" or "stupid" to admit that you need help. It is one of the bravest things a person can do, if not the bravest. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, there is always a helping hand out stretched for you.