I have been drug free for 15 months. The last time I used was January 5,2009 and since that time I spent 9 months incarcerated, got out, got married, got a job, and actually became the parent my children need. Everything is going well, yet I am constantly plagued by using dreams and the desire to use. What the hell?!? This is incredibly frustrating. Logically, I know where drug use will lead, but at this point I really want to use. I keep getting the thought of hey one more time won't hurt, but I know it will. The old NA adage "One is to many, and a thousand is never enough" How true that is. I do go to meetings when I can and I do voice my thoughts to those that are there. It just doesn't seem to be helping at the moment. Anyway, I just needed to vent and hope that someone out there can give me ideas on how to get through this. Thanks for listening.