Just when I thought that I was going to start getting my Bipolar under control. Last night was one of the worst experiences I have ever had in my life. It scared me to death.... literally.

A few hours after taking some meds I got a sense of fatigue like no other. I wanted to play some video games, so I tried, and had to turn it off. Mentally, I was barely hanging in there, even though I wanted to play I couldnt. Physically, it took all I could to get to the bed, where all I did was toss and turn anyways.

I started having slightly labored breathing.... but thought maybe I got up to quick. No history of Asthma, no shortness of breathe like this before. A little while later, while pacing around the house, wife says my lips look pale. Start thinking, Oh Crap.... Not Good. She eventually breaks down after I continue complaining that I cant afford an ER visit. At this time, we didnt know if it was an allergic reaction or panic attack. I'm of course thinking allergic reaction because thats all I know. Call father in law, get a ride to ER because I couldnt have driven. Get there, nobody at the check in. Sit and try to wait, finally someone comes and tells me to go into the triage.

Sit in the triage for a few minutes before finally getting a Nurse. Chief Complaint was Shortness of Breathe, Anxiety Attack? and his first priority was write down my meds. Was it to much to ask to put the O2 sensor on my finger and THEN write down the meds? That way I know how good I am breathing. 98% room air. Perfectly fine. I knew I was doing good, I knew I was getting enough oxygen, but I didnt feel like it. Kept gasping for breathe like I just got done running. Shirt felt like it was choking me, even though it is an extremely loose collar. We finally get to my exam area. And as usual, told to wait. So for the next.... I'm guessing, Hour, I pace back and forth trying to get my breathe. So scared at a few times that I did whatever I could to make this better. Since I thought this problem was caused by the medicine, I actually did something I have never done, and shoved a finger down my throat. Unfortunatly, nothing came up, and it never helped more than just a few seconds afterwards. I knew I couldnt spend the night trying to throw-up the medicine. So back to pacing. Back to flipping and flopping on the gurney. Back to my wife doing everything possible to try and calm me down.... make me realize its in my head.

Finally in comes the doc. After a quick run down of questions, he mentioned that normally what they would do in this case is maybe 2mg ativan or something like that. He continues on saying that sometimes just being seen by a doctor is enough to break the attack. Told me I need to go home, relax, try and get some rest, etc...etc.. And then asked whether or not I think I needed an Ativan. WTF Doc. You think I waited for over an hour, feeling numerous times like I was about to choke to death, just for you to tell me , "Just go home and get some rest"..

Needless to say, I was given the Ativan. I asked the nurse that brought it, how long it takes to start kicking in. She tells me 30 minutes. Then says, Okay, your all set, head on home.

Still feeling like I cant breathe, I am told to leave, though in the back of your head you wonder, what if the ativan doesnt work. What if this is an allergic reaction and not an anxiety issue.

All of that was last night. I wake up today and still have a slight shortness of breathe. I dont feel like I am breathing normal, but definatly better than I was lsat night. Have spoken with Mental Health today, and awaiting on a final answer on what to do.

Yesterday I took, Lamictal, exForge (blood pressure), Geodon, Tylenol&Ibuprofen, and demerol. Ended up taking 2 demerols, about 7-8 hours apart. Nurse today from Mental Health says Demerol can cause repiratory problems. Thats a first for me, I have taken them before.. Now I sit here waiting, afraid to take the Lamictal I was supposed to take when I wake up, because I am afraid of getting back to that moment last night.

I dont know if I am just needing to rant....or looking for hints or tips on this. I'm just... frustrated and scared $h!tL355.

Thank you for listening...