annoyedone,

I'm certainly no expert and you've gotten some good advice here already, but I read somewhere that you have neural pathways in your brain that get trained to do the things in your life. Yours have been trained to do everything under the influence of drugs.

It will take time, but you now need to "re-train" those neural pathways to experience things without the drugs.

You sound like a good person who is really trying to live a good life and be a good parent. Just keep on trying and doing your best. You can talk to us anytime.