I'm neither separated or divorced ,but the issue is one that my therapist is putting to me now. I'm bipolar recently diagnosed and have dealt with severe depression for 7 years .I am a survivor of incest from my father for 5 years duration, I became pregnant with my first sexual partner at 17 and married the father . I've been married 34 years now with grown daughter and son. We have had good and bad times together but the bad were emotionally abusive and yes he was well aware of my situation with my father ,which gave him an upper hand I now believe . I have now the understanding with Steve ( children's father ) that I want nothing to do with him and I am not leaving my home . We have not been intimate in 9-10 years , my choice as I had issues with him over his abuse and my family had a long term emergency. I know that I did not have the ' tools' to respond to any of this by just leaving . So here I am now looking at the probability that my illness is linked to Steve's abusive ways though I have conditioned myself to remain unaffected, it is truly impossible to be unaffected. I am an artist , painter, and my hands are shot as I have had one carpel release which limits my work or working any where doing anything .Now I have an addition to my depression in bipolar disorder. I have no one to assist me financially for medical care if I divorce Steve and I would lose the insurance I have now. My feeling is that there is no choice but for me to stay married and do my best to cope with him . I've told Steve on more than one occasion to get a lawyer and each time he said he loved me. There is no getting through to him and I do fear not knowing how he would respond if I got the lawyer . I am so confused about what is really best for me, medical care is the big issue. Without it I may as well be here with him ,I at least will get meds . I have never worked longer than 1 year outside the home and had to give up my artistic business when my family had the emergency . I've thought maybe I could teach art in my home ,but meds are expensive . I am running all possible scenarios I can about all this . I've been in therapy for 6 weeks and added meds for 7 weeks . I'm not rushing to do anything ,but I have to think about this now. Any thoughts would be welcome as I have thought this to death I believe . Thanks so much for just being here.