Thank you all so much for your advice. I really needed to hear them. I think that sometimes I try to do to much at one time, or I set unrealistic expectations of myself thereby stressing myself out to the point that it triggers my brain to revert back to the only way it knows to deal with the stress ie:drugs. The only hobby I currently have is reading although I would love to write a novel. And I did start seeing a therapist 3 weeks ago in the hopes that I can gain some deeper insight into my twisted mind Thanks again to all who responded. I wish everyone and safe, sober, and happy day.