Welcome to PC ! This place is FULL of great people, and has a VERY helpful Bipolar forum as you will find out. While you may be struggling, know that you arent struggling alone. Many of us have had our own personal struggles with this Disorder, but we continue to make it.

In your post, I never saw you mention if you were currently being treated for your bipolar. Finding a good doc that you feel comfortable with is a great first step in taking care of yourself. I know you mentioned it had been many years since you were diagnosed. There may be other issues besides just the bipolar. Getting in with a good doc can help determine if there are any other underlying problems, and can get you on the path to that fantasy place every one talks about... I think they call it 'normal'

Take care of yourself and Welcome again to PC !