I need to wear it because I can't be vulnerable.
I need to wear it so then everybody thinks I am okay.
Even though inside I am torn & tattered & shattering.
But it is okay.
I can not be vulnerable.
I made a fool of myself, I showed emotion, I showed too much of it, I got angry when I edited my post, and it made me vulnerable, my original post I didn't think was angry... more hopeless & helpless sounding... but someone upset me, hurt me, felt vulnerable, felt very upset and angry, felt judged, felt patronized, and felt down played, like it didn't matter, like I didn't matter, so it doesn't matter, the post itself does not matter, therefore I edited it, I released too much emotion into my words, now I cannot edit it, and I wish I could, wish I never created this thread, too vulnerable, mustn't take this mask off, can't take it off, have to be okay, have to be fine, must control self, must pretend, it doesn't matter, I do not matter, I do not deserve any support, love, care whatsoever, I was wrong, I was so stupid to think I could post for support, I never deserve it, I don't deserve it, I never did, I just wanted to post what was going through my mind, but I don't deserve support, therefore the point of the thread is meaningless.
I am sorry for posting and wasting time.
I am sorry.

Want to fade now, want to fade from my mind, too loud, too messy.