i found a pencil sharpener (the manual kind), brand new, with fresh new blades in it. when i first saw it, it caught me by surprise, because i hadn't seen a blade in so long (i havent cut in 3 months) and when i saw it i was literally in the middle of a sentence and stopped. i just stared at it. it was so new and so shiny...so sharp...it looked like a wonderful tool. my heart began racing. i quickly finished my sentence and stood up, swallowing hard. telling my roommate i'd be right back - i ran out the door, pencil sharpener in hand, and raced down the hallway. my steps were quick, my heart was pounding and my mind was blank. i knew what had to be done.

turning the corner, i didn't even bother to give it one last look. i chucked it into the garbage can, my mind still debating whether or not this was the right thing to do. immediately, i looked into the garbage can. i knew that was where it belonged, and that i had just thrown it away, but i missed it already.

i miss it already.

but im better off. im better off, right? i know i am. this is good.

im just so damn ashamed that the simple sight of a pencil sharpener blade can throw me for such a loop...