I am niether seperated or divorced , but the issue is one that my therapist is putting to me now. I'm bipolar recently diagnosed and have dealt with severe depression for 7 years . I am an incest survivor from my father for 5 years duration from age 7-13 years . I became pregnant with my first sexual partner at 17 and married the father who was 23 and getting a divorce. I've been married for 34 years now with a grown daughter and son. We have had good times and bad together, but the bad were emotionally abusive and yes he was well aware of my situation with my father, which I believe gave him the upper hand . I have now an understanding with Steve ( the childrens father ) that I want nothing to do with him and I am not leaving my home . We have not been intimate for 10 years, my choice as I had issues with him over his abuse and my family had a long term emergency. I know that I did not have the ' tools' to respond to any of this by just leaving . So here I am now looking at the probability that my illness is linked to Steve's abusive ways though I have conditioned myself to remain unaffected, it's truly impossible to remain unaffected . I am an artist, painter , and my hands are shot as I have had one carpel release which limits my work or working anywhere doing anything . Now I have an added condition to my depression in bipolar disorder. I have no one to assist me finacially for medical care if I divorce Steve and I would loose the insurance I have now. My feeling is that there is no choice but for me to stay married to Steve and do my best to cope with him. I've told Steve on more than one occasion to get a lawyer and each time he said he loved me . There is no getting through to him and I do fear not knowing how he would respond if I got the lawyer. I am so confused about what is really best for me, medical care is the issue. Without it I may as well stay with him, I at least will get meds. I have never worked longer than 1 year outside the home and had to give up my artistic business when my family had the emergency. I am running all possible scenarios I can about all of this. I've thought maybe I could teach art classes at my home ( I have no degree ) and meds and treatment are expensive . I've been in therapy for 6 weeks and added meds for 7 weeks. I'm not rushing to do anything, but I have to think about this now . Any thoughts would be welcome as I have thought this to death I believe. Thanks so much for just being here.
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