Hi, TrespassersWill,

I am gay and live in NYC. (I am a native NYer, which is rare in NYC!) And, I don't fit in either, e.g., I am the only gay man I know who does not like theater - especially musicals. I did not move to NYC for the theater or the sex scenes! It's my home and always has been!

I can tell you that the community is very diverse and I have met a lot of "lipstick" lesbians and some lesbians with partners who have children. The pride parade has its good moments (most activist and social organizations) and its pathetic moments (the rentboy float, the legalize marijuana float, the sexual exhibitionists). I always do get a chuckle out of the Dykes on Bikes and the drag queens/kings though I dislike the sharped tongued ones.

My "lipstick" lesbian friends are nice people. I also fall into the category where I don't flaunt it and that's just who I am. A lot of people don't like it but I am not going to become a clone just to fit in. (There is a lot of pressure in that area, as you have described.) I think there are a lot of people like you but they are harder to see because of their low profile. Have you tried organizations like OP (Out Professionals)? MCC (Metropolitan Community Church)? Does your city have an LGBT Center, book store or coffee hangout? I have met a lot of good people by doing volunteer work for groups like SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders) and enjoy marching in the pride parade with them.

There are a lot of people in the community who are damaged from bad childhoods and bad coping defenses like drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. You seem to be much more together and I hope you are thankful for that. Being a minority within a minority is not easy. Since the pool of people you are seeking to meet are low-key, it means that you have to try harder to meet them. It is possible. Try going to bars in off hours when they are not so crowded. Pursue your interests and continue to seek people with like values, do some networking even with people you may not be crazy about. You never know who you might meet. Best of luck to you!