Well, I used to SI. I couldn't really tell you why, just that I was in terrible emotional pain. But it makes sense that if it is learned to physically injured when you are upset, by the parent spanking a child for crying or having a temper tantrum, then they will learn this way to "soothe" themselves. First of all, it teachs the child that their feelings don't matter, that the parent won't help them when they're that upset. So when they come to be teenagers they feel completely hopeless and alone and they know they can't look to their parents for help, because they were taught that they don't care. Also, what I said they are being physically injured by the parent to calm down, which in turn makes them believe that pain can ease pain. One of my old T's told me this, that what we learn before the age of 3 is carved in stone, and we may not actively think about why we think or feel this way, but there it is. This T told me it's very hard to erase what was engraved in the stone, but it can be done.

This friend that told me to beat my son, he was abused (although he obviously believes it's for the best) by his parents. And he told me he loves pain. He even likes to eat his food too hot so that it will burn his mouth. It's quite odd to me. Then, awhile ago, he tried to touch me, and since I got up to leave (as a way to get away from him, because I told him no once and then he tried again), he got mad at me, but after I forgave him he kept telling me he wanted me to cut him and he would try to put a knife in my hand and everyting.

This is odd to me. One time I SI'd, my aunt's friend (a nurse) came over and cleaned my arm and he asked me if I liked pain. I didn't know want to say, because it sound like he was hitting on me. But, no I didn't and don't like pain. The love of pain is the perversion that corporal punishment and physical abuse create.

This same friend called me the other day and my son was crying. My son brought me over the laundry detergent and wanted me to open it for him. Of course, I was not going to open the laundry detergent for my son! And my friend asked me what was wrong with my son and I told him he wanted me to open the detergent and I wasn't going to. And he was like "Spank him!" Ummmm........WHY???
My son didn't understand that that was a dangerous thing and spanking him would not teach him that that was dangerous. All I can and should do is put it out of his reach and tell him "dangerous".

Also, I spoke to my husband about this and he said that what my friend meant by "free spirit", is that he will grow up to be gay. So apparently, not beating your kids will make them gay. Well, I guess I wasn't physically abused enough..... This makes a lot of sense that he would think this though. My husband and I think that my friend might be gay and is denying it to himself. So I guess he thinks that this was the good reason his parents beat him? Hmmmppphhh..... My husband just told me not to listen to him.