I'm drinking right now, I started at 9:30 this morning, it's the only way I can deal with this humiliation & embarrassment, from here on in, my life is dedicated to hurting myself, I can't even love and it's wrong, so why love at all?

This ordeal taught me that I am a major piece of garbage. There is nothing that will ever make me smile, ever again, that part of me is dead, and I really wish I was dead & gone, I'm sorry but these feelings within me are forever.