First off, I'd like to apologize for posting so much lately. I don't mean to be "needy", but there's really nobody else I can talk to.

As the title says, I'm in a bad place. I'm at the place where I want to die but cannot do it myself. I have been praying to God (even though I'm not religious) to please kill me.

So technically, I'm not a danger to myself - YET. But I can picture myself doing something stupid in the future. I'm feeling so so bad today because something horrible happened in the family, that I can't post here. But it has made me feel like absolute crap.

I keep having images, almost fantasies, of being gone. This is how it started before, when I did my first attempt. I'm scared. I have no T, no psychiatrist or family doctor. I just want it to be like I never existed, and yet another part of me wants help to not feel this way.