I wish I could be like normal people and make a sustainable wage. I have sure as hell tried all my life. I've applied for disability as a last resort. I'm barely functional these days. If not depression and anxiety, it's the fatigue and other side effects caused by my meds. This disease is crippling for most people. I'm not a wuss or anything. I fight every day to keep going to work and school part time. The doctors are amazed I can even do that. I've always been stubborn and not a quitter. Even when I have to stop something temporarily, I keep on going back trying to finish.

This is why I am so reluctant to start on meds. I suffer sometimes and I feel terrible, but yet most of the time I managed to pull myself out of bed. I have not had a stable job yet, I went to Uni till last year and have been searching since, with working doing this and that. But even as a leaflet distributor, I felt better than sitting home feeling sorry for myself. I tend to do than a lot when I have nothing to fill my days. I think it was Freud who said people get engaged in politics to forget their own misery... well, International relations bachelor here! And I sure know a lot about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. For me, school kept my mind busy. My minor was English... it was hella lot of work, but it kept me from thinking about myself. My few absences could be easily excused as having flu. So... I am not willing to mess up with my system in hope to get "better" one day.

I think everybody should try to work... it's how it supposed to be. Or at least do something meangifull... not doing anything is sort of like sensory deprivation and it can kill.

Now hopefully I will work again and not just "this-and-that"... and I believe it's a way to my recovery (yes, I do believe one can recover from BP... at least to a degree). Sure work sucks a lot of times... but Venus needs cash for getaways!