hi papapa99, welcome to PC!

I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now. I know what it's like to feel like you're somehow cut off from anything good or beautiful like nice weather. I think it's a little like living inside a tinted glass box, where you can see outside but can't participate in that beauty, and all the colours seem muted or dulled by the time they get to you. It's not fun at all. I hope that you find the support here that you're looking for, and keep posting on how you're doing. Know you're not alone in this!