My mom was over-protective, but she wasn't protective enough, she let me go to my father's house every weekend and be abused. She had no idea want was going on there. She would ask at some point, but I couldn't tell her. But even so, she could not stand up to my father, my grandmother, or my sister on her own, ever.

Yes I can see now that that statement sounds controlling, it's only because of my fear. I don't want to be controlling. According to my father's emotionally abusive words, I don't control him enough. He thinks I'm neglectful and causing a "health hazard" to him by "not giving him proper supervision". But this is from a super controlling person that's never even around to see how I take care of my son.

There is a huge lack of trust. There are very few people that I do trust and even fewer people that I trust with my son. I would say the only people I would trust with my son are my mom and my ex who is one of my best friends, but both of them do not live in town. I would trust a daycare with him, before I would trust any family members here with him.

You are right, I don't really trust myself and my judgements.

I'm not seeing a T. I don't have transportation and there's no public transportation close to me, so recently, I have been trying to find a case manager and a homebased T, as adviced by a member of PC. I've wanted and needed to talk to a T for a long time now. And I don't think I'll be able to work until I can get to see one and talk about my phobias.

I wrote about my father's abuse in this thread: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=130898
And I wrote about some of my grandmother's abuse in this thread: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=130794
I had a terrible flashback a week after I wrote about my father's abuse. Being in contact with him now, it makes it more risky to write about the abuse, because it brings back the same feelings I felt then, and then when I see him I freak out. I panic and I get really angry.

My mother being over-protective was really annoying to me when I was a kid, but now I understand why she was that way. But my son won't understand until he has a child of his own as well. I can see that being over-protective may make my son resent me when he becomes a teenager and he will probably push me away. So I can see how being over-protective can be a bad thing.

No, I'm the only one that takes care of my son 24/7, so I know what's going on in his life. He's only been watched by my mother for about an hour at the most when we were visiting her. When my father was still living with us, my father first hit my son when he was just starting to crawl (he wasn't very good at it). But my father hit him, because he was crawling toward the cat food. I automatically picked him up and took him away to my room. Then he hit him again when he was over after we came back from visitng my mother for getting into a drawer in the kitchen. He wasn't even walking then. I am afraid if when my father comes over he will hit him again. I don't believe we are in terrible danger now, at least when my father doesn't come over. But I suppose in the back of my mind I'm afraid someone will come try to kidnap him again. Someone tried to almost a year ago. And I was afraid that this person would have come to take him from a daycare, that was my fear about daycares before. I suppose that's still possible, but I don't think it's as probable anymore.

I understand that healthy separation is a good idea and way to help him develop. My main reason to get over this fear is so that I can work, but I understand it will be to his benefit as well.

No, I do not have clear boundaries with my father and his mother. My only boundary is to try to keep them away from me and my son as much as possible. I plan to cut them out of our lives once I move. My father has already hit my son and he could hit him more and emotionally abuse him as well. Well, I suppose he already started that with his "Shut up, your faking, oh come on, that's enough, you're pathetic" crap he says whenever he's around my son and he cries. I do not want this man around to abuse my son, and even if he doesn't I don't want him using my son as a tool to get to me, to keep me in his life. I don't want my son to admire this man or think he's great, because he's not and he really hurt me. And obviously, I don't want my grandmother near my son at all. She's a pedophile and I've seen her making googley eyes at my son while I was changing his diaper. Whenever we're around her, she has to come watch me change his diaper. She even volunteers to change it for me. And she ordered a picture of my son naked with his private parts showing, that I was told was not showing when my sister's photography partner was taking the pictures. Point is, I know my grandmother would SA my son if she ever got the chance, and so I don't think that she should be around him at all. I've tried to set boundaries with them before that all my Ts in the past taught me, it's just not going to happen. They won't allow boundaries.